Hearts heal

Heartache …

It happens to us all at one time or another in our lives. You know the feeling … the walls feel like they are caving in, your lungs can’t seem to get enough air …

You will get over it …

After my first heart break, I never thought I would heal. I thought my life was over and I could not go on without him in my life. For an entire year, I could not go a day without him crossing my mind at least once … usually it was multiple times a day.

Three years later I finally contacted him. He is happily married and working towards starting a family. I thought it would break my heart to hear such news from him. A part of me was disappointed by this, but I was able to apologize for the way the relationship ended and to get some closure. For all these years, I was blaming myself, but he made me see that I am not always the culprit.

The thing that surprised me the most about this contact is that I am over him. I do not love this man anymore. He does not love me. Yet, we are both okay. We both got over it. In fact, both of us became better people because of it.

In the destruction of a relationship, you learn a lot about yourself. You see the good, the bad, the ugly. I saw all of these things. I was terrified. I tried to do everything I could to learn from this … to evolve into a healthier person.

It is funny how sometimes getting your heart broken and surviving the aftermath can actually give you the strength to chase after dreams that were put on hold. I did just this. In the 6 months after he broke my heart, I called the VP of my company and announced my resignation. Most people quit jobs, but I quit my career as a journalist. I immediately enrolled in nursing school in Alabama. I went home, packed up my stuff and 3 weeks later left Florida forever.

What’s my point?

You need to have your heart broken a couple times in life. It makes you go after your dreams. It gives you the strength to evolve. Even though it hurts more than words can describe, heart break allows you to take a different path. I do believe in fate. I think things happen for a reason. Sometimes the reasons are unclear to us at first, but you will be happier in the long run that this person set you free.

It gets easier …

The first time your heart is broken is always the worse. If you can survive that, you can find the strength to survive the others. I have only loved twice, but I thank them both for giving me this gift of growth. I will be a better person because of them. I will not hold grudges. I will collect the good memories and toss out the bad once I have learned what I need to from it all. I know that I chose good men to love, but sometimes 2 people who are good separately can become an ugly mess when they are together. I will forgive and let it go. It will give me what I need to be a better me. I hope they will both one day forgive me too and learn from what I taught them.

Valentine’s Day …

What has me thinking this way? Hallmark’s favorite holiday is taking over the stores. All the cute, fuzzy stuffed hearts remind me that I am very much single. It makes my heart sad to know that I am without love in my life.

I am not different from other girls. I do want romance, love, affection, to feel special. I want someone to hold me and never let me go. I want him to make me feel adored … like I am the most important girl in his life. Here is where I admit the pathetic … I dream of my wedding day when I get to look into the eyes of the man I will spend the rest of my life with and both of us will have tears.

I really hope that unconditional, everlasting love is in the cards for me. I just want to be in love again, but not any love. I never want to settle for anything less than the very best. I want mad, passionate, extraordinary love …

This entry was posted in Happiness, Love, marriage, relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply