‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
-    Alfred Lord Tennyson

There is a time in my life when I would have said that this quote is just one big nasty lie. This is probably because no one explained to me that even in failed relationships, you learn a great deal about life and who you are.

My first heartbreak …

The first time my heart was ripped from my chest I just knew I was going to die. I kept waiting for my heart to stop or for someone close to me to see how much I was suffering and put me out of my misery. I remember not being able to eat or even move. Strangely, my insomnia was momentarily cured. I could have slept for days.

The worst part was that he consumed every minute of my day. In fact, I could not go an entire day without him crossing my mind at least once for almost a year. It did not help that he felt it necessary to continue contacting me every few days for the next few months. I finally told him to leave me alone forever. This is when the healing finally started.

Three years later …

Now, I can look back on this relationship and actually smile. Each day I am stronger, and I know it is because of him and what he taught me about me. It took a lot of work for me to heal and realize that he was not rejecting me … he was rejecting our incompatibility. I can now see that both of us were good people with loving and caring hearts, but somehow we lost who we were with each other and allowed an uglier version to take over.

My most recent encounter …

It will always hurt to have your heart broken, but somehow it hurts less and less the more times it happens. The worst part of losing someone you never really had is when you have to pick up the pieces and start again.

I hate dating …

I am so lovingly known as the serial dater for my chain of short-term romances. I jump from one to the next never allowing much time in between, and I know this is pattern behavior that I will repeat. I can’t help it. I am anxious to find that person that I can spend the rest of my life with. I don’t waste any time in searching, because I want to find someone before I am too old to enjoy him.

Sadly, it is not that easy to find someone to date. I hate sifting through the unpleasant leftovers that remain in the applicant pool and trying to make a selection based on the most desirable of the least desirable men left on this Earth.

When I was younger, I thought I knew what I wanted. I kept trying to carve out the perfect man when I was far from the perfect woman. The older I get the more I realize how flaws are beautiful and make people unique, so I am now able to be with a man that is not everything I want without trying to transform him into who I wish he was. Unfortunately, I still can’t find the man who is willing to love me along with all my flaws. They always want to change me. Why? I love myself, and I know I will make someone very happy with my big, goofy heart. I suppose the ones who cannot see that are not really worth my time anyway.

Men and women are just too damn picky. This makes dating very difficult. It is amazing that two people can get together at all!