Get your ringside seat

Jerry SpringerIf I wanted to be on the Jerry Spring show, I would call up his producers and make up some ridiculous story about how my baby’s daddy is sleeping with my sister’s husband who is a midget with one eye. The show loves people from Alabama …

I avoid drama like the plague …

It always amuses me how drama seems to find me and leave me feeling violated and abused. For those of you that know me well, I am a lively and animated person, but I am definitely not a drama queen. I don’t like to be the center of attention, and I try to blend in as much as possible. The extent of the drama that I tend to create is loud, obnoxious opinions that I publish for the world to see on my blog, but I am certainly no candidate for the Jerry Springer show ready to strip down naked with a group of strippers and start ripping out weave on stage for all of America to see.

How can I be so stupid and not see it coming?

no dramaMy theory is that drama is my stalker lurking in the shadows. It hides in the alley ways and follows me from a safe distance. I know it is following me. I can feel it pulsing through my veins; however, I refuse to look it in the eye, hoping that it will all go away. Unfortunately, the more I turn away, the more it lashes out at me when it finally decides to reveal its true identity.

Once drama shows its ugly face …

I am forced to breathe in the heavy fumes and walk towards the light. For a brief moment, it captivates me and consumes my life. It cuts off circulation to part of my heart until reality comes rushing forth, and I attempt to recover before it does any permanent damage.

Blocking emotion …

I have adopted a defense mechanism for blocking this sort of abuse. Some people wish they had this capability while others tell me that this is unhealthy. I tend to block emotions and shut down mentally, emotionally. I become void of emotion, numb of feeling anything. It is very interesting how when I try to target only one emotion, such as pain, how the rest follows suit. I suppose I have a non-selective emotional blocking mechanism at play here.

This keeps me at arm’s length from everyone that I ever meet. It is hard to trust anyone when everyone eventually lets you down. I desperately want to learn to be close to other human beings, but at this rate it is never going to happen. I just do not get why people have to create so much drama for other people.

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