Call me Scrooge

evil santa clausWhile the majority of Americans are poised to allow a ridiculous notion of an obese elf into their homes, I am preheating my oven … fully prepared to cook any intruders and feed them to my cats.

If I hear another damn Christmas song, I might be forced to end my life early … or worse, someone else’s. I beg everyone to lay off the crappy music in my presence, because I do not want this to become evidence in a court of law.

I am not sure how it happened, but I am not in the mood for Christmas this year …

This over commercialized holiday usually sucks me right in with the rest of this country, but not this year. Instead, I find myself scheming ways to completely skip the holidays.

What happened to the holiday spirit?

Where is the Jennifer who puts her Christmas tree up in November? Honestly, I am not sure, but it is obvious she is not here.

What the heck is Christmas anyway?

scroogePerhaps, this is the result of my cynicism. While everyone is out shopping for presents to put under their trees in efforts to fool children into believing that Santa Claus is the culprit, Christians are giving the holiday a dual purpose by claiming it as the anniversary of their savior’s birth. Who does this holiday belong to … Santa Claus, Jesus or shoppers? Watch this short history of Christmas and see how another pagan holiday was snatched up …

I really hope that the holiday spirit finds me in the next few hours before I go celebrate with my family. Otherwise, you might see me on the news!

All kidding aside, happy holidays to everyone everywhere!

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