Economic crisis solved

I have taken it upon myself to try and solve all the financial problems of this country. You will find that some of the solutions I have come up with are quite simple. Hit yourself in the head 14 times for not thinking of these first … starting now!

Solution #1 …

competitive eatingEliminate all the fast food restaurants from coast to coast. No more chicken mcnuggets for Fatty McFatty. Since I do not believe in wasting food (even if it barely qualifies as such), we can line up all the morbidly obese people in this country and give them all the disgusting slop that they could possibly want. It will save us all time and money in prolonging their lives through reactive health care.

Solution #2 …

Force people to take preventive actions. Most people do not think about healthy living until one foot is already in the grave. Health care has become a bandaid for poor nutrition and sedentary lifestyles. If the government provided some sort of incentive for a proactive, healthy lifestyle, such as a significant tax break, the need to rely on bandaids could be reserved for accidents and injuries instead of all of the diseases we can prevent by taking care of ourselves and our environment.

Solution #3 …

Sterilize anyone with an IQ under 100. I realize that IQ is not a rational way to decipher the most intelligent of our species from the dumbest. However, it is a starting point for limiting overpopulation in this country. Some of you probably immediately jumped to conclusions after reading solution #2 and #3 … fearful that people would be out of jobs if we closed down all the fast food restaurants and several hospitals and clinics. Fear no more! If we could prevent morons from breeding like rabbits, we could all still keep our jobs!

Solution #4 …

dollar capShare the wealth. Quit foaming at the mouths, you right wing nuts! I am not suggesting that lazy people get paid for sitting on their asses. You can quit calling me a communist, socialist or other less becoming word that is now eating a hole in your nasty little tongue. What I am about to say will not make you feel any better, but I do think it could help this country thrive. I am not suggesting that everyone earn the same income whether they work hard or not. I am simply suggesting that if we put a cap on the amount of money that a single person could earn … maybe we could diminish the huge gap between rich and poor. If a little money made it back into the pockets of the less fortunate, this may also eliminate some taxpayer burden, such as welfare, medicaid, medicare, food stamps, among others.

Solution #5 …

Rewind technology. Advancements in technology make our lives easier. I will not for one minute suggest that technology does not have a place in this country. However, I can’t blame fast food alone for the obesity crisis in this country. Since I am so ready to point the finger tonight, I am now pointing it at televisions, computers, iPods, dishwashers, elevators and video games! Americans do not do anything in moderation … we are all gluttons for anything that simplifies our lives. Somehow simple has become synonymous with lazy. Until we can fix this problem or any of the others listed above, this country is headed down the toilet bowl.

Need help wasting your money?

checkIf you like the idea of flushing away all your money, pull out your checkbook right now! Make your check out to your beloved insomniac. E-mail me at insomniac@confessionsofaninsomniac.com if you would like to know where to send the check! I would be happy to accommodate you. Maybe we can work on solution #4 tonight!

I could spend all night coming up with ways to solve the economic crisis, but my brain must rest up to fight crime and solve other worldly problems. I can’t wait to see all the hate mail that I get in response to this, but what else is new? Opinions always piss someone off …

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15 Responses to Economic crisis solved

  1. john Q says:

    you crack me up!

  2. Ang says:

    YAY….YOU’RE running for President next, right!

  3. Are you kidding me? I would not even vote for myself!

  4. attackfish says:

    Dear Jennifer,

    Have you completely gone over the edge? The woman who saved my life is morbidly obese, and one of the most intelligent, thoughtful, hardworking, health conscious people I know. She hasn’t eaten fast food at least since she was a child, possibly not ever. She shares my illness (thus the reason she treats it) and therefore can’t eat that junk! Obesity and its causes are so extraordinarily complex and rarely caused simply by poor diet and laziness. You’re engaging in victim blaming on a gross level.

    As to your third “solution,” do you even know the historical ramifications of Eugenics the first time around? I won’t even touch on how it influenced Hitler, and instead focus on how very subjective IQ tests are. If an IQ test is primarily visual, I routinely test as low as 80. When the test is language, number, and word based, I test substantially higher. I’m not unintelligent, but I have visual comprehension issues. Also, IQ tests are so culturally subjective (because they all rely on culturally conveyed knowledge) that they disproportionately score members of non-white non-mainstream groups very low. This is aside from the obvious human rights abuses inherent in forcibly sterilizing anyone.

    Love,
    Hayley

  5. ryan says:

    You sound pretty reved up. Maybe you could use some comfort food. You know, a Big Mac and Fries. It does the trick every time =)

  6. Yay! I got my first hate mail and it comes from my very own sister! I should clarify that my opinions are very strong and sometimes to get a point across I generalize. I know that not everyone becomes morbidly obese from diet and laziness. However, that still does not change the fact that most people do. I still stand by my point that if we eliminate all fast food restaurants that the demand for health care would decrease. Other foods in grocery stores would also need to be cut out, but again that is just one way we could help more people stay healthier longer.

  7. attackfish says:

    Actually, statistically, countries with lower rates of obesity (when controlling for development and government sponsorship) have higher health care usage, because while people live longer lives, they live longer lives Of course this is no reason to go out and get fat for the economy, but still, the overall cost of people living longer to decline at a much older age of non weight related illnesses is greater than the cost (financially speaking) of people dying younger due to obesity related disorder.

    I want to see statistics for how many overweight and obese people in this country have thyroid and other endocrine disorders (well, not type 2 diabetes, but the sort of endocrine diseases that cause, not are caused by weight problems).

    Also, computers help us make technological leaps and bounds in other areas, such as medicine, as well as make data on old research easier to find. This means taking away modern time savers could hurt sufferers of illnesses of all kinds. Also spell check saves my life. I am a horrible speller despite the amount I read and write, and despite the amount I studied in grade school. Taking away my laptop would be cruel. And dishwashers? First of all, sterilization from heat saves lives, and second of all, the bulk of household duties still fall on women. Since washing dishes by hand will hardly shrink anyone’s waist line (unless it puts them off food entirely) taking away household appliances would make caring for the home an arduous unpaid full time job again, taking women out of the workforce and reinstating gendered dependence.

    Also, how does an ipod increase laziness? they’re a secondary entertainment. Almost no one just listens to music without doing something else.

  8. Hate mail #2 … yes! It comes from my sis again :) I actually have statistics showing exactly the opposite … we spend more on health care in this country than others and we have larger people on average than most countries. We also live shorter “healthy” lives than other countries … much of this is related to sedentary lifestyles and poor nutrition. I say “much” … this is not everyone. I know that other diseases and illnesses contribute. I will grab the statistics from my Health and Wellness text book when I return from vacation and post them for you.

    As for technology, I was joking about the iPod. I was just lumping all technology together. As I mentioned above, technology has its purpose and can help us achieve many goals in less time. I do not wish for all technology to disappear. I was simply stating that some technology has hindered people more than helped … TV and video games make the top of my list.

    Lastly, I put my opinions out there not expecting any of this to happen in reality. I just like to stir the pot a little :) My opinions are just rattled off thoughts that I do not expect to make sense to anyone but me, but I do enjoy expressing them for mass audiences on occassion just to get a reaction. I love it that this one has done the trick …

    I love you, chicken. Don’t hate me for my outrageous opinions :)

  9. attackfish says:

    you’re making a correlation causation error. Salaries for doctors and cost per visits are higher in America, even when government aid is added to the equation. I’m talking about internal studies of individual countries, not comparatives. The fatter the person, the lower their average cost per lifetime.

    Weight also correlates disturbingly to economic status, not because poor people are fat and lazy, but because high calorie fast food is cheaper than healthy food. Also, if all adults in a household are working two or three possibly sedentary jobs, no one has time to cook or exercise. This doesn’t make them lazy. I prefer a restructuring of food economy, where to social cost of fatty food is added to the price as a tax. And I’d really like if some of that money to go towards subsidizing healthy food and those handy co-op cooking places for the terribly busy.

    You are deluded if you call this hate mail, love, disagreement does not mean hate.

    P.S. You do not want to know how many calories are in the ice cream I make…

  10. I thought about posting some stats to update this entry, but I realize that the whole point of my argument was already lost. I was using sarcasm and ridiculous examples to draw attention to some real problems. I don’t expect people to agree with the opinions beneath my proposed solutions. And, solution 1 and 2 can really be combined to say … we need to focus on preventive health care rather than reactive health care. We put too many bandaids over health problems.

    Even if obesity is not the cause of many health care conditions, poor health is! Skinny people lead sedentary lifestyles too. Skinny people eat fast food just as much. Unfortunately, the reality is that more people are suffering from heart disease, cancer and diabetes, among other life-threatening diseases. I will not say for one minute that healthy people do not develop these illnesses too, but the survival rate fairs better for those of us that are active and eat a proper diet.

    Caring for our bodies is so important. It irritates me that so many people allow themselves to get so unhealthy when most people have a choice! If not a choice to be healthy … a choice to be healthier!

  11. Mike D says:

    lmao. I agree with a lot of your suggestions, especially the IQ….. but you already know my feelings on sharing the wealth. If you put a cap on what people can make, then people tend to be less motivated to achieve, because let’s face it… around the world in Communist China to Democratic America money is power and everyone wants more power. It’s what drives people to compete and excel. Put it this way, you’re an RN now. You worked very hard to get that job and title, and with that job and title comes more money than a Certified Nursing Assistant. If the CNA wants more money, they have the choice to go to school and become a RN or PA, or MD. It really comes down to personal choices: Drop out of school or stay in school? Be content flipping burgers at McDonalds or get a business degree and run a chain of McDonalds.

    As for technology, it typically fuels jobs. Yes, an ATM may put 2 cashiers out of a job, but it creates 5 jobs to build and maintain them. Technology transforms economies, look at the transition from the wagon to the car… a lot of wagon makers went out of business, but the production of motorvehicles created more jobs. So, while it may make people lazy, technology is a huge factor in job production. Plus, it’s so much easier to put all my books on my Nook than it is to carry them all with me to Afghanistan.

    What they need to get rid of are all these so called free trade agreements that allow companies to outsource manufacturing jobs just to turn around and import those products to the US… and yes, I do blame my beloved Republican party for most of those.

    • I won’t even attempt to argue politics with you :) You know way more than I do about what our government is up to. Democrat, Republican … they are all the same anyway. But what I will say is that Capitalism is not really working anymore. It is starting to crumble in our nation, and it is very difficult to get a job … educated or not … lazy or hardworking. Something has to give. Another system has to be put into place. It is too weird how the laws and regulations vary from state to state. I am not saying that socialism is the way (since I think that is what made you call me a communist before … ha!), but what is your suggestion on fixing this failing system?

  12. Mike D says:

    Well, first we know Communism doesn’t work either, which is why China has mostly gone to a free market system (Capitalism), albiet a very different version than our own. And we’ve also learned from Europe, that the government can’t control key businesses that revolved around critical infrastructure, like British Telecom.

    What many people overlook about our country is that we are a union of individual states. Basically, the way many Constitutional scholars believe the founders envisioned our country is that each individual state had more power over their citizens than the Federal Government, whose job it is to provide simply for the defence of the nation and ensure “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness”. So, if you subscribe to that philosophy, like I do, then the federal government should have minimal impact on local and state regulations, so long as they don’t conflict with the Constitution, and each state should be responsible for regulating businesses, etc. Unfortunately, in the 1930’s, the government used the Great Depression to grab power beyond their Constitutional mandate, imposing financial burdens on states and businesses… essentially, they did take control of corporate America and also limited the ability of individual states to manage themselves without first paying into federally mandated programs.

    So, now we have gotten to the point where there is no easy one size fits all solution. Personally, I feel the states should determine healthcare, social retirement plans, and intrastate commerce regulations, and the federal government should deal only with interstate aspects of regulation. Then you have to look at things like Unions. Are they a necessity anymore? Every state and the Federal government have laws in place to protect workers from exploitation, unfair labor practices and discriminatory action… as well as wage protection and minimums, so Unions, as they are now, are somewhat of a redundant process that actually force more jobs out of America than federal regulations and taxes. Then, you have to imposes taxes tactically. You can’t just say “Oh, we’re going to tax Big Business”, you have to say “We’re going to tax big businesses that import their goods into the US.” If, after tarrifs, it is just as, or more, expensive to import their outsourced goods back to the US then they have no incentive to move the jobs out…. along with that we have to quit with these “Free Trade” agreements that both parties seem to love so much. Last, but definitely not least, you have to get people to live within their means, and stop shopping on the Visa card and over extending themselves on cars and houses they can’t afford. Those would be my solutions. What I do know for a fact is that increased regulation on businesses big and small will not help out with job creation, it has proven to fail time and time again. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel, you just have to look at what we are doing now and what we were doing when the economy was booming and jobs were plentiful and go back to what we were doing when the economy was doing well.

    • Wow! You really took your time thinking about this. I guess I stumbled upon a subject that you take great interest. Yes, I think you are right … there is no one size fits all solution, but something needs to change. Maybe the answer is to try a new approach to the current system. How that can be executed to better suit the American lifestyle is beyond me. I am steering clear of politics these days. I have to in Alabama … my former views are met with hostility in this area (not too different from the Florida Panhandle).

      Trying to fix such a mess is impossible for anyone to do. Changes will not be made until everything turns to hell and the whole market crashes. Then, we can build from the ground instead of attempting to deal with the current mess.

  13. Mike D says:

    Yeah. Changes need to be made. I’m in favor of first reforming our tax code to a VAT system and eliminating the Federal Income Tax. If you go to a VAT, there would be no loop holes for rich people and businesses to skate out of paying taxes, they would have to pay a tax rate based on the value of the items they are buying. In theory, Rich people buy more expensive items than middle and low income people, so they would pay more taxes. It seems fair.

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