Why did I torture myself?

When I first decided to go back to school 3 years ago, I was served a platter full of emotions … fear, nervousness, excitement, anticipation.

Everyone told me that going back to school would be just what I needed to help strengthen my own weak self image. After long arguments with myself, I finally decided to take the leap. It was time to make my escape from the journalism world and join the ranks of the healthcare professionals of the world.

I had no idea what to expect …

Despite all the buildup from my friends and family, I will have to say that going back to school has been one of the more miserable experiences of my life. It has illuminated every insecurity that I have, made me question who I am and what I stand for on a daily basis. I have never been so unsure of myself in all my life.

Imagine being thrown into the mix with more than 100 people 10 years younger than you who have already figured out what they want out of life. And you stand there hoping you are making the right choice as you say goodbye to the last 10 years of your life. Not only are you unsure of who you are, where you are, what you are doing, but now you feel old standing next to all the young people content in the first lifestyle they have chosen.

Every storm is followed by a brighter day …

As negative as all of that sounded, I am here to tell you that I am glad I did what I did. I am proud of myself for sticking out the difficult struggle of figuring out my identity and where I fit into this crazy, mixed-up planet. Even if confusion persisted throughout my 3-year debt to nursing school, I grew as a person … I evolved. I learned more about myself and life. I tried different approaches to old problems and stopped myself from repeating the same mistakes over and over again (even if it took longer than expected at times).

Most importantly, I am about to embark on a new career … a new life. I am about to be a nurse! I feel like a butterfly finally emerging from my chrysalis ready to look at the world through transformed eyes.

What is next? Probably another stage of uncertainty and rapid change …

As I look at the Huntsville job market for nurses, the outlook is not that great. I am expanding my search into bordering states, but I might have to reach even farther. Part of me is very afraid of what is to come, but the other part of me is squealing with pure joy. The unknown can be so exciting. Where will I be in 5 years? What will I be doing? Who will be surrounding me? The answer is …

I don’t know!!

This entry was posted in Career, Growing up, Job, journalism, Nurse, school. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply