I am not exactly what you would call the religious type. I am spiritual. I love the unknown. I thrive on mystery and imagination. I drink from the cup of existence. I live, I breath, I am.

Life is a line without an end … a circle. Read more

Take out your copy of “The Zombie Survival Guide” and get ready for the zombie apocalypse with the five clowns in this video. These guys are definitely not the world’s most brilliant specimens, but they do have what it takes to overcome the walking dead. I certainly would let them protect me! Would you?

Do you know where your machine gun is?

This video is hilarious! These guys did a really nice job with this work of fan fiction. I love it!

Perhaps, you were expecting some profound statement about the effects of caffeine on the human population. Or, maybe you wanted statistics and data on the number of people who meet an early death each year due to an excessive intake of caffeine. I am happy to report that what I am about to give you is so much better!

Zombie survival tip #42

On the first day of the zombie apocalypse, make sure that you have plenty of coffee to serve up to our uninvited guests. This could save your life!

I love to overanalyze anything and everything …

A simple statement can become the focus of my attention for hours on end. I find it both fascinating and crippling that I am able to look at the most straightforward topic and make it completely complex. Read more

I recently discovered that I might be crazy. I hold complete conversations with myself inside my head. Despite the fact that my mind reacts a little too quickly to my obsessive thoughts, I still manage to continue this internal dialogue. Read more

Are fanny packs back in style? Were they ever in style? These are the questions I keep asking myself as I attempt to study for an Anatomy and Physiology test. Read more

My injuries are never exciting. I would love to say that I fought a bear, wrestled a rabid dog or defended another human being in harm. Unfortunately, I can’t tell any wild stories about this injury or any of those that came before it. My black eye is an example of my clumsiness. I hit my eye on a chair like a complete and total moron. Read more

The human brain … what a dumb invention!

Why did our creator forget the most important part? Everything needs to have the ability to turn on and off! Read more

Does anyone have a need for a chicken suit? I bought it for Halloween one year. It is barely used (wore it around my apartment for less than an hour).

What is wrong with it? Besides being a chicken suit, it smells like plastic and paint. 

This chicken suit needs to go by Saturday. If you are not local, you will have to pay shipping and handling … I am unemployed come Friday.

Interested? Send an e-mail to insomniac@confessionsofaninsomniac.com.

I recently came to the conclusion that I am the funniest person I know. I am not just funny – I am hilarious. I catch myself laughing out loud at my jokes all the time. I can’t contain how funny I am. It just makes me giggle thinking about it.

My career path is forming without any effort from me.

Matt, you better be watching your back! That so-called comedy routine of yours has some serious competion!