Archive for the 'Bad Day' Category
My zombie car
My car finally has a new name …
I am naming my car after a rheumatoid arthritis medication. Yes, I realize this is a bit weird, but look at who you are dealing with here. Let my little red car forever be known as Orencia.
Orencia of the undead … Read more
2 commentsGet your ringside seat
If I wanted to be on the Jerry Spring show, I would call up his producers and make up some ridiculous story about how my baby’s daddy is sleeping with my sister’s husband who is a midget with one eye. The show loves people from Alabama …
I avoid drama like the plague … Read more
No commentsThe scent of death
Death is inevitable. It is the natural termination of life.
I completely understand the purpose behind death and the reasons why our lives must always come to an abrupt end. However, I am at a loss for words when it comes to tragic deaths … accidents, murder. Read more
2 commentsCall me Scrooge
While the majority of Americans are poised to allow a ridiculous notion of an obese elf into their homes, I am preheating my oven … fully prepared to cook any intruders and feed them to my cats. Read more
Coming up for air
I floated to the surface of an almost frozen lake this morning and shouted to everyone that could hear … “I will survive.” The sound of Gloria Gaynor’s whiney voice played out the familiar tune in the background. Read more
His last breath
My great great uncle died today at 93 years old. For those of you that know me well, this man meant the world to me. I am sad to see him go, but I know that he lived a long, happy life. I am not really sure what to say except goodbye. I love you, Uncle Gilbert. You will be missed!
My little black eye
My injuries are never exciting. I would love to say that I fought a bear, wrestled a rabid dog or defended another human being in harm. Unfortunately, I can’t tell any wild stories about this injury or any of those that came before it. My black eye is an example of my clumsiness. I hit my eye on a chair like a complete and total moron. Read more
Where is the off switch?
The human brain … what a dumb invention!
Why did our creator forget the most important part? Everything needs to have the ability to turn on and off! Read more
5 commentsAlways lock the door
I learned a valuable lesson this week … Always lock the door when entering a unisex bathroom! Read more
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